The poor old cow is wrecked

Well, I proceeded to just dive into the illumination of the letter "C" with the cow in it and the poem "I never saw a purple cow, I never hope to see one, but I can tell you anyhow, I'd rather see than be one" So, first of all, the lettering sucked, too big and too dark, even though I laid it out first on tracing paper and did an overlay. My mistake was in using the brush lettering I am learning instead of a fine point pen...too fat. So, I went over it in a lighter color which helped, but then, of course I went over it and over it until it got nice and messy. I am working with gouache, so it reconstitutes after it dries and makes it impossible to work on top of work neatly...so...I sprayed it with Krylon..The first couple of layers worked OK and looked OK...but, of course, I kept on screwing around with it endlessly until it was totally screwed and looking like a plastic thing with bleeding letters and vines, etc. The last layer of Krylon did it. I had meticulously painted lines, leaves, etc...(took hours) and then the last shot of krylon dissolved all the work I had done...it was just gone..leaving behind a little mess of color here and there...also, all the gold work that took at least an hour is now looking like a dull yellow dot...kind of disappointing but a GREAT lesson. I am not sure exactly what the lesson is...but I do know that it involves Krylon. Anyway, I will continue to try to work on letters...I don't know if I am up for the "C" and the cow right now...maybe...sans Krylon..sans fat brush...maybe sans poem. Sans something, anyway...I am down, but not out...OK I will keep this posting going as I work this out...Next time will be better.

Hey, hey, all the way

So, now it is Thursday, and I just returned from the post office, where I mailed packages to Janet, Penny and the Sqrl and Bee. I had filled some eggs with chocolate for Easter and I wanted to give them to the people at the Post office that I mostly deal with. I think they were pleased..I know I was. Sometimes something very simple to do gives me a lot of pleasure when I do it. I spent the morning going through things and throwing stuff out. I will spend time today boxing books, etc to donate or sell at the book store and, of course, I will do something for my HOMEWORK...still an issue. Although, yesterday A.M. I made myself late for a Docs Appt because I was changing the layout of the lettering to go with the letter "c". I realize now that I am just at a standstill about it because I am having trouble fitting the whole poem on the paper that is left after putting in the image. I guess I really need to work on larger paper, not especially work bigger, just work on a larger surface so I have lots of room to innovate once I have completed the image. Lesson (I hope) learned. It seems a little insane to be working so hard both emotionally and creatively and spending so much time on projects that are almost guaranteed to bring in nothing in the way of revenue. But, I have to say that it is such a pleasure to do it...AND...I find in myself a drive to do the work that I cannot access when I am doing other things...When I was little, I used to check books out from the library and do projects at home...teaching myself how to make flour paste, cutting up milk cartons, etc. I made a bug village with little beds made from matchboxes, cartons for houses, etc. Such a pleasure...I don't remember what happened to it, but that is not important. I DO remember building it and the pleasure still comes upon me when I think about it. It was a wonderful time I had, making that...I can almost feel the warm sun on my skin as I write this and the warmth of the cement back porch I sat on while I built it. These things are good. I am always telling students that the process is more important than the product..and I really do believe that is true. All the same, at the present, I am interested as much in the product (the C and the Cow) as the process. So maybe I answered my own question. That the reason I am "stuck" is because I have made the product more important that the process. I need to feel the sun on my back and the warmth of the cement I sit on and just finish the frigging cow. Perfection can come later..Today I build my version of a bug village...This blog IS helpful...Thank you, Andrew.

on to "c"

So, in my calligraphy class I am now working on the letter "c" . Very hard for me to do the "homework" Maybe that is part of my screw you attitude or maybe just laziness...but...I seem to procrastinate every time I HAVE to do something. When I don't HAVE to, I will work until 5:oo AM. Go figure. Anyway, I WILL work in class, so now I am working on the letter "c" and it is a simple letter which contains a Cow. The cow is from a magazine and I traced it and made it a little cartoonier. The cow has its head up and is obviously "singing". I think the style is a little Mary Engelbright and a little l930's illustration style. Anyway, the cow will be purple and lavender, and I am lettering the Poem, "The purple cow" around the edges. I would really love to do the whole alphabet in "my" style..we will have to wait and see if I can get it up 26 times and complete my thought process until the end...please, "screw you carole" take a rest and let "carole who loves to make art" have a chance. Okay? Other than that, I trudge along...doing something every day that I must do, like taxes and bills and clients and etc. Only 5 Minutes left, here at the library, so that is all...just wanted to keep recording my process for myself and anyone who is interested.

So now it's Thursday

So, all the stuff that took place on Tuesday must have worked, because I was up until 1:30 AM working on an illumination of the letter "B"..went to bed then up at 5:00AM working on it again...Hours and Hours of work and I realize that it is ever so slightly crooked...Funnily enough, that is really OK and I did what I could to correct the angles so it would not be noticed as much...but, it is most definately crooked. When I did the layout, I was thinking that this was just a practice piece and I wasn't particularly careful about the correctness of the whole thing...So, lesson (I hope) learned...I know this from painting...that if the beginning is rushed or carelessly treated, then the final result may suffer for it. Creativity does not mean wadding things up and mashing them around..that is not the risk-taking I am looking for...I am willing to chance screwing a piece up by trying something new, but sloppiness is just not where I am at with the whole thing. There is a fine line between perfectionism as a bad thing and trying my best to do something as well as I can. I think, this time, that I may remember that..hope so. Anyway, I like the "B" a lot, crooked or not and I had an idea this morning about doing the whole alphabet to create an ABC book. As Gaudi said, we return to the source...I used to make ABC books with scrap paper, glue and magazine cutouts when I was a child..I have always liked them.. I have also always liked quotes. I have a lot of them taped to the door jamb and (somewhere) a book or two filled to the brim with quotes I have collected over the years. It seems to me that the Calligraphy and the illumination may prompt me to do more with these things...the evolving of the act of creation is fascinating to me...and, I only have one subject to study it...Me. I think that this is important for me to remember...That whatever I am doing is OK...because I injure no one and I feel great pleasure in my own activities. It has only taken me 71 years to realize this...not bad, really, some people die before they get this. A contented day, this Thursday. Thanks.

Another Tuesday

So, it's another Tuesday...I am, of course at the Library and considering many things. I am focused on Creativity..I am surrounded by it...as I pull my feet, one by one from the Mire of my Ennui. Konosuke' comes today so my body will be creatively inspired. I have been reading and looking a lot lately so my mind is stimulated to respond. I am spending more time in contemplation and thoughtfulness and mindfulness so my spirit is rising up within me and I feel hopeful that the changes that are occuring are for my best self to be nurtured. It has taken so very long for me to get here...not that I know what here is...I need a map with the little arrow that says YOU ARE HERE. It seems that I have so many decisions to make that I am overwhelmed. In reality, there is only one decision to make...that I truly want to proceed into my future with new ideas, aspirations, goals and vigor. That I am willing to let the decisions of my past fall to the side and with excitement embrace the all new, creative and inspiring future..the future that awaits ME...I wrote once, long ago about the ME-ness of ME. That is the decision to make...may I make it soon. I know that once something is set (more or less) that the trip is easier...Here is to "The SET" and the trip...Whew!

This is Thursday...and

This is Thursday, and I have not done my homework...sigh. My class is tomorrow morning and I hate that I leave things to the last minute...I think it short changes my creativity. I think that always being under the gun gives me an excuse if I don't like what I come up with, or if what I am doing is just short of good. I want to think about this because at age 71 it might behoove me to knock that off. It is obviously not getting me what I want, or think I want. I think that when I started this blog about my own creative process (and other stuff I think about) I was working at my own pace on what I wanted to do, so the procrastination viper did not raise its ugly head. I like doing what I want to do when I want to do it. BUT! I do not know how to letter beautifully and I do want to learn and I KNOW that the only way to master the tools is to practice and DO THE HOMEWORK! Still, I do put it off to tomorrow...not working, Carole, not working. I still have time tonight, but I have a computer class this afternoon which I really want to go to, so I can LEARN! And, Bret Lyon is coming in to town so I will be meeting with him and his new girlfriend sort of after dinnertime. I also have all day on Saturday to catch up. See how my mind works? I go away now to think about these issues...I hope to find out how I can really work sometime before I die and it is moot. Now that I ask myself the questions, perhaps I will worry out the answer. I could really use some Lottery winnings at this time in my life if anyone with power is listening.

On and On

Well, I've been gone for a while. Not gone, just not able to get to the library to post on this blog. Heard from Andrew and Melissa..they're in No. Carolina and moving to Pennsylvania soon. They picked up a deermouse in Arizona..it is loose in the truck and they can't find it..so Andrew is feeding it and leaving water. They are worried that it won't survive if it leaves the truck back East, so they intend to catch it and make a pet of it so it can live. More adventures will be posted. I am taking a Calligraphy class at Emeritus and she is a GREAT teacher! I have already learned a lot and only 2 classes into it. I did the last exercise which is blending pencil in a letter to give it dimension and mine was really good...shown to the class as an example. I am shameless in taking pride in being "good" and singled out for praise. I really am a child in a lot of ways. Maybe everyone is like that, I don't know. I am struggling with the idea of relocating and the attendant clearing out that must precede it. I do pretty well for a few hours and then I poop out. I need direction. Hmmmmm...I wonder who I can get to monitor me kindly...I will think about this. Anyway, I am working on two things...de-cluttering - deleting and my creative self...they are intertwined, I think. I need space to make new things happen. That's the deal..I need to delete in order to create anew. I will think about this and see if I can be self-monitoring and get the job done. Being the Lone Ranger is hard sometimes...it has benefits, but it is hard. Anyway, I am working a lot on the clutter issue. So this is still about creativity..just focusing more on a possible block to it. We'll see.