Thanksgiving day, 2009

Well, it has been a long time and here I am at Melly's for Thanksgiving.. Andrew and Melissa are here as well (from Pennsylvania) and Noah and Jason and his friend Alex...The whole family. Very nice to be here today. The whole job search thing is very hard. I am having a problem even getting an interview...although the guy at worksource who interviewed me said "If they don't hire you they are crazy". Nice to hear, but I have to get an interview to dazzle 'em. It looks like I will have to pull it out of my ass one more time. I have some ideas for screens and doors that might sell well and bring in some $$$. Also getting the house ready to sell still. Still, still, still....Slowly but surely I divest things and creep to the conclusion which will bring in the big bucks. In the meantime, I am actually doing Art...paintings of my own thing...amazing. Well, I am right now surrounded by music and talking and so I go...(I got an iphone to get my email, so there will be bigger gaps in this blog) bye bye for now.

New Work

Well, now I am really excited!!! I am seriously into jobsearch mode. I finally realize that my years as a decorative painter are in the past...all the supplies and equipment are moving elsewhere. Don's friend and neighbor came and took ALL of the Mosaic stuff away and tidied the area as well...so my back yard is almost empty...all the books have been donated to the Library except the ones I will give to Students on the first day of school at Otis...teaching "Art Furniture" this semester. The change in my life goals is being realized. I have signed up to get some help from Worksource and the State to get help with my resume and also to help me focus my energy. I need to find out where I fit in. Todays job market is not the same as the last time I looked for work. I have been self employed for 25 + years, after all. I am hoping to find something that will require me to venture forth and use more of my skills and creativity. My only worry is my age...but surely there is a place for all my experience...I am hoping that teaching might work out..I am starting there, at least. I do love to teach...love to see that little light go on in someone when they do "get it"...but, I will consider something else if it is a good fit and stirs my excitement. The house is getting ready to go on the market...I have a little fear of calling realtors to get feedback because my past experience with the whole thing was not good....BUT I am older and wiser now, so maybe I will be better at it. Anyway, it must be done and no one else to do it but me. No one else to do anything that needs doing now...(how lovely it would be to put on a 50's face and let some big strong man handle it for me)...whoops...that is exactly what got me into the pickle I am in...so, like Melissa I will be the "Reluctant Decider" and forge ahead...a grand adventure awaits and I am sailing into it with 'elan and panache (whatever that means). So I sally forth and will post again with the results of the sallying.

I move my butt

So, my daughter, Melanie, gave me Liz, her Nanny and Noah, my grandson to help me get all the crap out of my house so I can sell it and move to a smaller (?) and nicer place...the old house is really getting hard to care for, a lot of stuff needs repair and the tree is so huge and becoming a problem...too much for me right now. SOOOOOO.....Liz and I worked for a day and came up with a plan and moved garage stuff into the yard and Noah came over and convinced me that a garage sale was a lot of work in the hot sun and would not, in the long run, be very profitable...I sat like a dying lump for a while and agreed...he took most of the stuff to Thrift shops that day. Don came over and took all the videos and he knows a guy who does Mosaic work and will ask him to come for stuff...I said if he would take it ALL...he could have it ALL...but, no picking through it and leaving a mess for me to deal with...also going to try to do the same thing with my paint supplies (that is real hard) Painters have all the paint that I have and more and do not want it and everyone else has no use for such a quantity. I either have to schlep it to recycle 15 gallons at a time or pay someone to haul it away. PLEASE let me remember this as I go into a new phase of my creative self...DO NOT collect an ENORMOUS pile of materials that I MIGHT need to use...it is not just the waste of money paying for this and that....The real torture is trying to deal with the stuff that I just never got around to using...it is "good" stuff (in my mind) and dealing with it seduces me into thinking that I might just get back to that particular idea and actually produce it. The trouble is, that I have an idea a minute...they fire through my brain constantly...I would need the speed of light to actuate all of them...and I have to remember that as I divest myself of the latest collection and be firm with myself about any future thing I think I want to do. My new living situation will probably be an Apartment or a Condo and there will simply not be enough room. LET ME REMEMBER THIS TIME...LET ME REMEMBER THIS TIME...LET ME REMEMBER THIS TIME.
This is Saturday and Noah comes again on Monday...maybe we can haul it all and be done with it (or maybe not) I am hoping we can do it and then I can truly be free to move, to roam, to travel light into this new future..I did change my name to Free for a reason...maybe now the power of the name will keep me moving my butt forward.

Hey Hey

So, it is now August and I have had a hell of a month in July...had my leg in a cast, had walking pneumonia, had a big portion of a tree fall into my yard and block my entrance, got a parking ticket and ran out of money...also had another mri of my head to see if the lesion has grown...now it is August and my cast is off, the tree is taken care of and paid for, the cough is subsiding and the mri of my head showed no growth of the lesion and I sent in the check for the ticket...thank God for August...I am now looking for a job and that should help the money problem...so onward and upward...Hey Hey.

A Jake Story

So, yesterday I was "sitting" with my grandson, Jacob and we were playing Dodgeball and practicing soccer kicks in the street in front of his house. There is a gully (a river of small proportion, lined in cement) that runs from uphill and ends up in the Ocean. This time of year there is just a small stream about 15" wide or so in the center of the gully. Not enough to be dangerous, but enough to carry a soccerball into the ocean, never to be seen again. Well, eventually, of course, the ball went over the side and into the stream and began its journey to the Sea. Jacob was over the side and into the gully in a microsecond, chasing the ball and eventually catching up to it. Now, he had the ball, but knew he could not climb out with it. He began to throw it up the side...always a little short...trying different ways to throw. Melanie was here by now and encouraging him to try underhand throws...and...a miracle...one of the throws cleared the edge and landed in the dirt near our feet. Now, the only problem was for him to climb out of the gully...a 12-15 foot wall that is slightly sloped, but very steep. He is wearing soccer shoes with plastic cleats and tries again and again to run and get enough momentum to take him to the top...of course the cleats slipped and even if he took them off he probably could not make it all the way to the top...he never panicked, just kept trying over and over. Melanie went to get Albhy to help and Jacob and I were alone. He looked up at me and said "wait, let me think, if I am smart..." a lightbulb went off and he took off running shouting "follow me Gamma, I might need you to help me". He ran for the bridge calling "come with me". When he got there , he grabbed a rope hanging on the side of the bridge and easily climbed out. He had remembered the rope and saved himself. Why is this a story to remember? Because Jacob just turned 6 in May.

June

So now it is June and I am just fine in all ways. I have many ideas for the near future, my Trompe L'0eil class is cooking along, nice people and I am feeling the joy that comes from teaching...I always get in touch with my own creativity and energy when I teach...last week was that lovely time after a demonstration when all the students were working and they all were humming along...it is different than quiet, there is a flow in the room, an energy that is felt, not heard as everyone settles into themselves and explores what they are doing. Quiet on the outside, but working very hard inside their own heads...you can feel it, and I love it. I am enjoying the painting class that I am taking a lot...he makes me work inside myself and I am one of the people who is quiet on the outside and working hard inside...a good thing...He is a very good teacher and I have recommended him to Amy at Otis...hope that works out for him. I am accepting more and more who I am and what is important to me and what is NOT important to me. Trying to stay with all that as I go along. It is interesting to notice that I still have to do some work just to be myself. Seems so simple...isn't. Or maybe it is just that simple and I just like to worry things to death...??? I do have a very busy brain. Life is a very good thing to be in...I feel happy with myself and looking forward to my future dreams and accomplishments. If only a few things come to pass that will be good. I do not often realize how much I do and accomplish in my life...tend to go over the things I didn't get to instead..hope that can change...Would that I will feel this way, the way i feel today, for the rest of my life...yes.

What the hell happened to April???

So, it is May and I have no idea what happened to April..was there an April this year? It is mid May...I am back on Medication for my heart, but seeing someone next week for an Ablation (spelling?) Anyway, an operation to fix the part that is out of rythm...I really need to get rid of the Meds, they drag me down a LOT. Also, went to the Orthopedist for my knee, ended up seeing his associate for Arthritis, who did a Bone scan that showed something in my head ( which scared me) (I thought there was nothing in my head) anyway, had a MRI and CT scan of my brain...not conclusive. Bob Wallace (dear friend) took my tests to work and showed them to several Neurologists he knows. They concur that it does not look like a bad thing, that I should take more tests in a couple of Months to see if it moves AND....the good news is that most people my age have some brain atrophy and I have NONE!!! or at least, none that shows...I am very happy about that. I am kind of mad at myself for fiddle-farting around with my talents and time...although this is not new and I always seem to get started again with my own drummer...I will be teaching Trompe L'oiell this summer at Otis if it is a go...and Art Furniture in the Fall...hope both classes come to pass..I could use the money..and I guess I really need to tackle the furniture in the Garage...Melly said that Noah could help me to organize a sale of some kind...what I really know is that whether or not this miracle sale takes place I need to move shit out of my life so I can be free to fly...still possible to fly, I think, even at 73 almost 74...just requires some wing flapping and faith... so here is to May...the month almost gone with June creeping up on me...still wondering what the hell happened to April???