Thursday

So, today I went for a test for my heart and really pushed my self on the treadmill...out of breath and puffing like a locomotive...then came here to the library. I am kind of bored, kind of stuck, kind of not knowing where I am going exactly. I need to go home and write, write, write...I always can write here, of course, but there are a lot of distractions, kids yelling...an old lady who is reading and vocalizing what she reads, etc...just minor annoyances, but I am already scattered and stuck. I will, I think just run on home and write...but first, I will use the internet to help me in my job quest...then we will see. I am not out of gas...my engine is just missing a little...need a tuneup.

Now What?

Now I just got to the library and did email and am sitting here wondering Now What? I went to City Hall and filled out an application for a job I thought I could get away with doing only to discover that some essay questions were also required and that I did not have anything to essay about that related to the jobs in question...so I can't even seem to apply for a job properly...it has been such a long time...Now I think that Dog sitting, or even (shudder) going out to the garage and painting a piece of furniture is a good idea...It seems to me that I would do a good job in an office...only thing is that there are no office jobs that I can find to apply for...So, with my tail between my legs, I will shuffle off home and ruminate about my future...It is raining, and a very grey and depressed day..perhaps not the best time to make a real decision. There is always tomorrow, Famous Tomorrow!! I will post more later.

Oh yay

I got it back, don't know how, but Yay.

oh crap

So, I just typed for about 30 minutes ...pearls of wisdom that are here, and now, gone forever...and then I did something wrong and lost it all...so ...Oh, Crap. Another day.

Wow, 2009

Wow indeed! It is the second day of February, 2009...January just whizzed by...I took care of Jacob for a week while Melly went to London, Rome and Paris...He and I had a wonderful time together. He missed his Mom and Dad a lot, but he continually rallied and enjoyed his days...He got smarty once at Trader Joes and I explained, later, in the car that I felt embarassed and humiliated when he did that and it made me feel sad...He really got it and apologized and that was the end of it...He worked hard to get homework done and all his "chart" things finished every day...so did I. Now...I got some exciting news...I posed for a naked statue for Tanya Ragir...she is a sculptor friend of 25 or so years...anyway, it was just going to be a clay Statue in a series she is doing of women she knows and loves. She is trying to have a difference in Ages and I was the perfect 72 year old..(now I am 73). Anyway...Now, the statue will be cast in Bronze...so it is a big deal...Very expensive to create because it is life size. So...I am Immortal at last...tickles me to think of some Archeologist 5000 years from now finding a shard of that piece and speculating about the people of the past that it represents...They will think that we looked much older. Actually, it is the first representation of a woman in my age group I have ever seen that is NOT all caved in and hopeless and end of life looking...My statue looks like a woman warrior...powerful and present and proud..I am tickled by that as well. I also had a lot of revelations about myself, my age, my looks, my weight, etc. A long time ago I did a collage of my life as a little book and on the last page I put "To be beautiful, or not to be, is no longer the question." I was creeping into my late 50's, early 60's at the time, I think...around 1995 or so...I was trying to discover something with the collages and when I look at them now, I can see my own process and growth and understanding. I am so glad to learn that you keep learning more and more as you age...I was really afraid of being bored as an Old Lady...with no option to be otherwise...But, happily, there is always more to learn, discover, etc. as I go along...I will probably look back on this with amusement if I am alive in my 90's...as I look back on things I wrote in my 50's..so sure that I had at last found the answer...not wrong, of course, just not realizing that what is right and perfect for a 50 year old to know and be sure of will most surely change. That has been the case with me, anyhow...My 50's insights fall a little short these days...kind of interesting. I just might spend more time listening to my friends who are much older than I am...Maybe. Or, it may be like the exercise promises I make and do not keep even though I KNOW......
I just finished teaching my wall class at Otis, and I think it went well...but...the teaching thing takes a lot of energy and schleping of stuff so I may rethink it. A couple of the students really hauled around and cleaned up everything and helped me to my car...that was really nice...it would have taken me an hour or more all by myself. Then, when I got home, I was talking to Joyce about how tired I was and I said that if George Clooney showed up and "wanted" me, I would have to pass because I was just too pooped...a few minutes later..a little arm came over the gate, feeling for the lock. Joyce had driven like a fiend to show up and help me. Blessed with friends, I am. So, today, no Angst...at least not so you'd notice...but, as I said last time "Tomorrow is another day".