Thursday again

I am here in my computer class, so I have some time. May is almost over, Thank God. I think that May is always a hard Month for me. My Father died in May in 1937. And, in May of 1976 My Mother died, my Dog Prince died and I lost a baby at 5 Months pregnant. I don't really think about it, but I notice that May is a hard month for me and then I remember the things that happened in that month. So, anyway, Thank God that June is here at last. I have spent today working on the stuff that I will need in order to teach my class at Otis. Kind of like swimming through Peanut Butter...but, I did make some progress...and, I got to my computer class where I am blogging on. This isn't much to do with creativity, except that creativity takes energy and mine is quite low right now. I also think that the creative process needs stimulation..good or bad...and inspiration..good or bad...and persperation..good or bad. I am missing mostly persperation. The Peanut Butter thing, you know. The good news is that the ennui will not last forever...it will last as long as it lasts and then I will feel energized and motivated again. It has always been that way and I believe that it will always continue to be. Even as I type, I am (sort of) looking forward to teaching my class and sitting at my drafting table and working on collages and drawings. I think that I will take a tack from Andrew and do some dailies. I have to decide today, because June starts tomorrow and I do love to be neat as I go. Tomorrow is my calligraphy class and it will also be a celebration of Don's Birthday. I will go this evening to Smart and Final and buy a cake for his Birthday as a surprise. He is always doing things for others and not expecting to have anything done for him so I think it will be nice to surprise him. Hurray for June...welcome...let us see if it makes a difference.

Tired Tuesday

So, just coming off the Holiday weekend. My friend, Hal, who is 96 broke his hip and I went to see him yesterday and today and it is also my friend Don's Birthday (Hal's son). I tried to really listen to Hal and what he is thinking because I believe he has a lot of wisdom to offer me about life. He is doing remarkably well for a man his age with a serious injury like a broken hip. It makes me think about all the time that I have been given that I just waste. Mostly with my blah blah and my ennui and my flopping around. This is really the time of my life when I must make some decisions about what the quality of life is that I am seeking. Barnum said that you can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time and I have to remember that I am the people. I am sorting books again and not working...what else is new? I find myself and my angst and etc. discouraging. I am hoping that Wednesday will be a better day. Now, quoting Scarlet, "Tomorrow is another day...I'll think about that tomorrow...If I think about it today I'll go crazy"...well, not exactly crazy, but kind of spinning my wheels plopping...which may be worse. This is all of this kind of crap that I can stand, so I will go home and dutifully sort books. I am a good person, just screwed up. Oh my.

new stuff

Well, I am somewhat excited about a new way to work with Gilding. There was a Demonstration in my Calligraphy class last Friday. She was working with Patent Gold, which is 22 or 23 Karat and pre-attached to a small square of waxed paper. She simply put crayon on the places she wanted to leaf and then applied the patent gold on top. She burnished it with a piece of Mylar and a Bone Folder to weld it to the surface. The leaf was flawless! So, my question was "will it work with composition leaf?" She didn't know. So, I did some experimenting with scraps of Aluminum leaf (which is the thickest) and got OK to great adherence depending on a few factors. The leaf which was scrappy tended to not attach here and there even with other applications. The bigger and more solid pieces attached perfectly in some cases. You really need to scrub the crayon on. Then, the leaf detached very easily from the crayon. Which is a plus and a minus. The plus is that it allows you to draw into the leafed surface, write words, etc. The minus is that you need to use a sealer to keep it on without scratching and that may dull the sheen of the leaf. The burnishing with Mylar gave me a much more luminous, shiney and smooth surface than I have been able to achieve with this kind of leaf in the past. I also, while I was at it, put some leaf on wet acrylic paint (not too wet) and I got adherance, smoothness, sheen, and permanence. I could incise the surface and create a pattern but it did not de-laminate. All attempts were good-looking and the colored crayon showing through the scrappy ones could really add to the design instead of taking something away.. Anyway, It was an exciting few hours well-spent and it makes me wonder what else I do that I am so used to doing that it doesn't even occur to me to try something another way. These life lessons keep coming at you whether you are looking or not, whether you are wanting them or not. I think of Hide and Seek where you are covering your eyes and counting and then finally yell "Here I come, ready or not". The idea is "IT" and hopefully I am not hiding very well so the idea can find me easily. Olly Olly Oxen Free Free Free....

Rested up

I have done a lot this week, maybe not too much due to art, but a lot. Taking care of all the little shit that eats up your life and your time. I did some painting on little chatchki fridge magnets and I actually did a job for an old client matching a finish that was damaged when a pipe burst in her wall. She also wants me to do something with a mirror that is too large...I think that I can stencil the edges or etch the glass with a pattern, either one would improve the situation. I also got a call from another old client to help her design a mural and an invitation to her party next week...nice. Went to Naylor Paints open house and I won a $50 gift certificate to Cafe 26. VERY cool! I love it there. I may take Larry to lunch. Tomorrow is calligraphy again and ,of course, I did no homework. I have mostly been sleeping a lot and puttering around and seeing clients. I have two cool ideas for my life in the future...using what I already know how to do, but, veering away from the actual physical painting of stuff. I think I will expand my Color Consulting and I talked to Larry about getting a set of the BIG color cards from ICI..They are 8 1/2 x 11...a nice size to see what you are doing. I will still get quarts and do my poster board samples but the big sheets will help pare down the choices. Besides, they look more professional. I am also designing some add-ons for rooms that will be easy for home-owners to put up...almost like wallpaper borders are. I have to do some real homework about adhesives, etc. Andrew's T shirts are an inspiration to proceed one step at a time. I WILL have made some ART at the next posting. I have to realize that this is part of the way I work. I am prolific and then I rest...over and over in my life that has been a pattern. I really need to begin to accept myself as I am. A lily of the field? well, no, but OK as I am anyway. Me, Carole, OK. Get it?

a week without sleep

So, still did not make any ART worth talking about, but I did go to Calligraphy class and I will also go tomorrow...so I do some work there...(very little) I also met Kirstin today at her friends open studio..a collage artist named Marina (not Day) and was quite impressed by the amount of work she had turned out. It was a LOT! I took my few little collages along to show to Kirstin and I also showed them to Marina. I think that if I am going to try to be serious about fine art I better move it and mark it. Always reminded of Daddy Bob who said "Spit in one hand and wish in the other and see which one gets full first" He also said "Shit or get off the pot". Gaudi talked about returning to the source and the influence of childhood things. So, I should probably be really clear that you need to work. I believe in work, I believe that inspirtation comes while you work, not while you wait. I want to work..WHY DON'T I WORK? I keep getting sidetracked by other things in my life. This week, I have been involved with caring for Jacob (hence the title)and so that is my excuse this week. Next week I will surely find something to distract me from what I really want...just to make Art. What the hell is going on with me? This is a real conundrum.(spelling?) I know I am not alone with this stuff and that is little or no comfort. My space is not adequate or the best, but what I know in my heart is that if I want to make Art I can do it in a public restroom, or under a bridge...and, certainly, when I own the house and the big back yard and the garage I should be able to figure it out. I really don't want to beat up on myself, I am truly stumped. It is almost as though I were two people...one that wants me to be an Artist in every sense of the word and one that thinks it is a waste of time, after all and that what I should be doing is housework, grandma stuff and Joe Job stuff. Waaah Waaah Waaah and Boo F-----G Hoo. Enough! Next blog entry might be, should be better...all better. (I will, at least, have had more sleep)

Jake's Birthday

So, today I made no Art...it is Jake's Birthday and I got to Melanie's house at 8AM to begin the Birthday Day. I gave Jake a new setup of Playdough (quiet play) and he liked it...also sang HB to him. Fed him soft pasta with butter and cheese and also made him scrambled eggs...he couldn't eat the eggs because his throat is still bothering him from the tonsilectomy. He made it to school but had to leave with me because he ran out of gas and I returned with him later on for his party at school. That went well. As the party wound down, one of the Mom's who does Photo shoots brought a truck full of wheelbarrows and we gave the kids rides in them...GREAT...Blue, red and yellow wheelbarrows...a dozen or more. The school only wanted to keep one so the parents there got to take them home. Jake wanted a red one and I got a yellow one and I somehow struggled the two of them into my car and dropped his off at home, went back for Melly and Liz and the party stuff...went to Melly's so he could open his gifts from the kids at school...what a haul! I just left and came to the library on my way home. It was about 5:20 when I got here...a long and fruitful day and I am tired. I do have something to show for the day..a bright, yellow wheelbarrow! I will go home and unload it and enjoy the color and the newness of it...sturdy conveyance. So, that is my Art for the day...doing my bit and enjoying the colors and shapes of the wheelbarrows...I will think about creating tomorrow...after all, tomorrow is another day...heh heh...