MY NEW WEB SITE

Andrew informed me I had a surprise and Boy was it one! He set up a website for me with my own name www.carolefree.com..WOW! I have no idea right now how I will use it, but it feels like a very big deal to me. Up until now, I have just been dinking along sort of letting my brain spill out onto the blog without much thought or editing. Now, however, I am thinking that this whole website thing is very grown-up and I can use it (how?) to do whatever I want to do. I am both sorry and glad that I took so long to try to learn anything about computers. Glad because I needed the time and energy for other things and sorry I didn't learn sooner so I would know more now. Anyway, my adventures with computer stuff and my adventures with my own art and creativity are cooking along and becoming blended together into a nice Carole Sauce which I happily pour onto anything and anyone who holds still for a minute. I am a happy Carole...Thanks Andrew.

Just drawing like I know what I'm doing

So, I was up until 2:30 AM working on letters for calligraphy class. Just decided to go for it. I first tore pages from a paperback novel in japanese, using the calligraphy as vertical lines..odd and random tearings laid in linear fashion for the background, some of them upside down so the lines would be consistent. I bought YES paste..and I like it a lot..did not seem to wrinkle and the edges were easily fastened down. Sometimes torn edges are a problem. Anyway, when it was dry I sanded and glazed the whole thing. I chose to do a "C" for China (even thought the type is Japanese) and also for Carole, because I was born in China. I tried to find a C in my books that had a form that looked good with the Calligraphy I had pasted. Found a Baroque C that I altered so the forms worked. Drawing my own version, I drew it onto the collaged background, filled it with black and gold and then, drew a vine shape with several leaves and pods and flowers that serpentined through and around the letter. Painted it all in with black and then overpainted with tan, beige and fawn colors...very monochromatic, but a lot of contrast. Also, looking old and worn. I especially like that I left the bottom edge ragged and hanging over. The idea for the vine with Pods, etc. came from a book of japanese design that I had. Now, it was very tempting to just make a decal of this page and overlay it on the letter, but remembering the dissatisfaction I had with the last piece informed me that I must draw and draw and draw instead of copying. I now have learned two things. One, that you have to work to learn stuff and two that you have to work often enough to remember what you learned from one. This should allow me to proceed and even, perhaps, learn something interesting while I am still here. Ya think?
I also made a second letter on a silver (aluminum) leaf ground. An "F" with curly vines made from random spirals and having leaves added and painted in. This looks OK but is less than wonderful..after all it was after midnight when I began it and I was determined to finish before I went to bed (2:30 AM remember). So maybe I have learned a third thing...It will be frustrating if you begin a project when you are too tired to give it everything. I will probably forget number three and do it again...that's just the way I am. I now go off to make more ART...YaY!

working, working,working...

So, I finished the decal (rushed it) and it didn't look good on the metallic surface, so I just put it on a white canvas...also, because I rushed it, it was blurry and hard to read...it sort of stayed cloudy because the applications were too thick...or maybe the Gel medium I used is bogus, it is a new brand from Dick Blick...I'll learn more about that in the future. Anyway, I hand painted into the image on the canvas and it was really a struggle. I began to think that the whole decal thing is not so interesting when I can really draw and paint anyway. I think it would have been easier to put a drawing down and then just paint on that...something about the blurry nature of the decal was not as satisfying as it might have been. It lacked a certain crispness that I have come to like in my work. I was mildly satisfied with the final result, but I will just draw and paint next time and compare the two experiences...always learning, but only while I am working...that is the key, working, working, working...dig?

many things to think about

Today, Monday, I rose at 4:00AM to get to the Hospital because Jake's tonsils are being removed this morning. It went well, He is a little trooper...He hated the shot in the butt, I think it offended him as much as hurt...then he was really out of it, but still awake and carried right into surgery..He woke up in recovery and I could hear him crying and Melly and Albhy went in with him and I saw him later when he came out of recovery...He bravely ate two popsicles so he could go home...(that or a glass of water) and then he fell asleep at home.
Yesterday I took him to the zoo to see the birds...we got there after the bird show started but he got to see a lot of it. Then we waited around for the next show but it was cancelled because it began to drizzle...so we just rode the tram and Jake got to engineer (front seat) the elephant train at the zoo. A nice day (Sunday)
On Saturday Don took me to the brewery where they were having an Art Walk. I saw a lot of ok stuff, but also some really inspiring things. One collage Artist in particular...I wanted to buy one of her pieces but I got over it...too expensive and where in hell would I put it?...I came home all inspired, though, and I dug into my stack of unfinished work and found something I had been working on and forgot I even had done it. I decided to turn the black and white image I had pulled as a proof into a decal which I will apply over silver or gold leaf and then paint into. I put a couple of coats of gel medium on it and it is cooking along while I did the zoo and the Hospital...It feels good to be working again...why do I go away from it? a mystery. Anyway, I need to go see Jake right now and I will post again about the Art to come...

On and on and on...endlessly

So, it is obvious to me that I keep talking about the same things, over and over...and with what sounds like some insight...but still no real change. I have always known that I change slowly...no really big AHA's (mostly). I think that I integrate stuff that I think about a little at a time. I feel urges to make change and then somehow I do not do it...and yet I do, only slowly.I think also, that it is easy when you are getting old to start feeling that there is not enough time left to make the effort really count for something. It is easy, until, of course I talk to Hal who is 96 next month and he talks about being sorry that he did not take his Art more seriously 20 years ago..(when he was 76) and get more education in his field so he could use it at his present age...then I just feel silly for feeling old or out of time. This is an interesting age to be. You finally have to admit that you are, by society's standards, elderly. Inside, however, I feel 17 or 27 or 30 or 44 or any age that I bring up. The fact that I no longer leap from rock to rock seems not to be important...so does not skipping;(don't know if I can or not, I'll try it today). I know what I have to do to move it and I still am not ready for whatever reason. The 17 year old wants to play, fall in love, not think much and the 27 year old would like the same thing, but of course with a little more caution..also the 30 and the 44..wants the heart leaping up in my chest with anticipation and excitement...the blush of hope and belief in the great "AT LAST" . I have let my hair down from the tower window and I await the prince who climbs up to save me. I have to laugh at some "prince" in his 70's climbing up to the tower window, huffing and puffing and wearing a t shirt that says "hero". These are the fantasies that distract the real me from digging deep inside and finding the roots of my own genius if you will. My own path, reason for being, purpose on the planet...vision, goal, quest, meaning...hmmmmm really philosophical but it ain't filling the bucket. More later when I figure out not only where but what the bucket is. I can hear the song "Oh where, oh where has my bucket gone, oh where, oh where can it be..? Please look round, 'cause I want it found...Oh, where, oh where can it be???? I think the tune is really about my little dog...but bucket works for me. Now, bucket and shark and seaweed....a lot to think about.

The day after the flower painting class

So, I went to the flower painting class yesterday with Don and I enjoyed it. I did OK with my brush strokes, just OK. I have taken some classes in the past (way) that had similar strokes to work with...but, of course I never practiced so I had to learn the muscle memory all over again...I have trouble making the mirror image by turning the brush the other way...I would get it if I practiced, but that seems to always be my downfall in everything. I am always procrastinating the practice, the exercise, the little stuff you need to do on a daily basis to accomplish anything. I can feel my stubborn little self with jaw set just not doing it. This is a problem. Maybe by acknowledging it I will solve it for myself. Now, here in the library, some asshole is humming tunelessly..This is the kind of thing that causes me a great deal of irritation. A kid is also screaming, but that does not annoy me because it is expected. What one expects of an adult is that they know enough to not hum out loud in the library...You see, any excuse to not address the real problem. The real problem being that I do not do the small steps that are required to really accomplish a goal. I just would not do my vocal exercises (mostly) when I sang..and yet, I sang pretty well. I never pushed my drawing to the edge by practising, and yet, I draw pretty well. Same with painting, Acting, dancing, etc. I am even an OK cook...just OK. I really need to look at this...who knew that this would come up..I just meant to enter my thoughts about the class (which was OK)...OK,OK.OK...is this all I want? Maybe. and it has to be alright if I choose just OK. I just want to make sure that I AM choosing, not just staying a piece of seaweed in the surf of life. I once saw a big wave (from the shore) with the sun shining through the water and in the wave swam a small shark (a silhouette of a shark shape) and it swam madly in the wave.. never stopped swimming..not like the seaweed which remains helpless to the whim of the ocean..eventually being dumped on the sand to be attacked by flies. The shark survived the crash of the wave and swam off to another adventure. Am I the shark or the seaweed? I'll keep you posted.

And so I continue

I have done nothing about the Cow or any other project...flopping madly...BUT! Tomorrow I am taking a flower-painting class with Don and I am excited about learning. I watched the Brick Awards show on TV and I am inspired to do SOMETHING that has some meaning...I wonder if I will ever get it up to do something like that or if I will just endlessly THINK about it. My grammar school report card said that"Carole is a dreamer who spends most of her time looking out the window"...I was really BEING out the window, not just looking...Being somewhere else, doing something else. Now, I am 71 years old..actually 71 1/2 this April (which it is)...of course, not to be too hard on myself, I have actually made some dreams come true. There have always been challenges that I managed to take care of...some ideas that I actually saw through to the end. I seem to do the best when I have my ass against the wall...not too comfortable, but effective. I need to make decisions about my current situation. I need to be firm in what I want to do next and not so flopsy. Maybe tomorrow...tomorrow IS another day. (Me and Scarlet). So, enough ruminating about what may or may not be...I have only 10 minutes left here at the library so I will close for now...more will be revealed!

The poor old cow is wrecked

Well, I proceeded to just dive into the illumination of the letter "C" with the cow in it and the poem "I never saw a purple cow, I never hope to see one, but I can tell you anyhow, I'd rather see than be one" So, first of all, the lettering sucked, too big and too dark, even though I laid it out first on tracing paper and did an overlay. My mistake was in using the brush lettering I am learning instead of a fine point pen...too fat. So, I went over it in a lighter color which helped, but then, of course I went over it and over it until it got nice and messy. I am working with gouache, so it reconstitutes after it dries and makes it impossible to work on top of work neatly...so...I sprayed it with Krylon..The first couple of layers worked OK and looked OK...but, of course, I kept on screwing around with it endlessly until it was totally screwed and looking like a plastic thing with bleeding letters and vines, etc. The last layer of Krylon did it. I had meticulously painted lines, leaves, etc...(took hours) and then the last shot of krylon dissolved all the work I had done...it was just gone..leaving behind a little mess of color here and there...also, all the gold work that took at least an hour is now looking like a dull yellow dot...kind of disappointing but a GREAT lesson. I am not sure exactly what the lesson is...but I do know that it involves Krylon. Anyway, I will continue to try to work on letters...I don't know if I am up for the "C" and the cow right now...maybe...sans Krylon..sans fat brush...maybe sans poem. Sans something, anyway...I am down, but not out...OK I will keep this posting going as I work this out...Next time will be better.

Hey, hey, all the way

So, now it is Thursday, and I just returned from the post office, where I mailed packages to Janet, Penny and the Sqrl and Bee. I had filled some eggs with chocolate for Easter and I wanted to give them to the people at the Post office that I mostly deal with. I think they were pleased..I know I was. Sometimes something very simple to do gives me a lot of pleasure when I do it. I spent the morning going through things and throwing stuff out. I will spend time today boxing books, etc to donate or sell at the book store and, of course, I will do something for my HOMEWORK...still an issue. Although, yesterday A.M. I made myself late for a Docs Appt because I was changing the layout of the lettering to go with the letter "c". I realize now that I am just at a standstill about it because I am having trouble fitting the whole poem on the paper that is left after putting in the image. I guess I really need to work on larger paper, not especially work bigger, just work on a larger surface so I have lots of room to innovate once I have completed the image. Lesson (I hope) learned. It seems a little insane to be working so hard both emotionally and creatively and spending so much time on projects that are almost guaranteed to bring in nothing in the way of revenue. But, I have to say that it is such a pleasure to do it...AND...I find in myself a drive to do the work that I cannot access when I am doing other things...When I was little, I used to check books out from the library and do projects at home...teaching myself how to make flour paste, cutting up milk cartons, etc. I made a bug village with little beds made from matchboxes, cartons for houses, etc. Such a pleasure...I don't remember what happened to it, but that is not important. I DO remember building it and the pleasure still comes upon me when I think about it. It was a wonderful time I had, making that...I can almost feel the warm sun on my skin as I write this and the warmth of the cement back porch I sat on while I built it. These things are good. I am always telling students that the process is more important than the product..and I really do believe that is true. All the same, at the present, I am interested as much in the product (the C and the Cow) as the process. So maybe I answered my own question. That the reason I am "stuck" is because I have made the product more important that the process. I need to feel the sun on my back and the warmth of the cement I sit on and just finish the frigging cow. Perfection can come later..Today I build my version of a bug village...This blog IS helpful...Thank you, Andrew.

on to "c"

So, in my calligraphy class I am now working on the letter "c" . Very hard for me to do the "homework" Maybe that is part of my screw you attitude or maybe just laziness...but...I seem to procrastinate every time I HAVE to do something. When I don't HAVE to, I will work until 5:oo AM. Go figure. Anyway, I WILL work in class, so now I am working on the letter "c" and it is a simple letter which contains a Cow. The cow is from a magazine and I traced it and made it a little cartoonier. The cow has its head up and is obviously "singing". I think the style is a little Mary Engelbright and a little l930's illustration style. Anyway, the cow will be purple and lavender, and I am lettering the Poem, "The purple cow" around the edges. I would really love to do the whole alphabet in "my" style..we will have to wait and see if I can get it up 26 times and complete my thought process until the end...please, "screw you carole" take a rest and let "carole who loves to make art" have a chance. Okay? Other than that, I trudge along...doing something every day that I must do, like taxes and bills and clients and etc. Only 5 Minutes left, here at the library, so that is all...just wanted to keep recording my process for myself and anyone who is interested.